Year-end Tidings of Great Joy!

Wow…how long has it been?  I was just reading my last post, talking about my youngest son’s wedding preparations, and OMG!   It’s a good thing my  kids don’t know I have a blog, nor care to read them, because I  named my second born as my fourth, together with his new wife…oooops…. I know I used to call them ChrisBenDaveJoe all in one because I could never get the right name out first, but dang!

I also notice that the last date of writing here was in October, 2017!  A whole year has passed…wow.  Lots has happened –  guess it doesn’t matter to list all here…  Suffice it to say that I came home from the wedding and began my next quilt marathons, and just finished them, so here they are:

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TARDIS!  My 16-yr-old grandson is obviously a DR. WHO fan, and this Tardis is hurtling through the stars.  I purchased the panel and amazing background fabric online.   I was delighted to see that from beneath the quilt, with the light shining through, IT’S BIGGER ON THE INSIDE!

SULR5926This labor of love is double batted, so it’s FLUFFY and cozy.  I was so happy to be able to purchase a Janome 6600 Memorycraft sewing machine, with it’s built-in walking foot, so quilting this was literally a joy.  Not a single tuck on the back.  I did quilt each block individually, and then sew them together with also quilted strips.  I built three variations of three different stars, and then doubled each, for a total of 18 blocks,, as well as the four corner stars.  It was a total joy to create.  In the 5 panels of the door, are Galifreyan phrases like, “Learning never exhausts the mind”, and “Love cures people”, “Life is a story – make it a good one” , “Nothing is permanent but change”, and my favorite, which may or may not be a Dr. Who quote, “I love you to the moon and back!”

I was happy to find a Galifreyan generator online so I could get the phrases, and I challenged my free motion quilting abilities to get them on the quilt.  Not perfect, but my very best effort.

Because I believe that anticipation is better then surprise, I shared the progress of the quilt with my grandson, and he was happy to get it after such a long time in progress.  I held my breath until it was delivered, as I am told that quilts are among the most commonly ‘lost’ items in the mail.

Here is the next endeavor, a story quilt for my younger grandson, Mikey.

Finished quilt

I also included a book with this quilt which you can see here:

If it isn’t obvious, I have become a paper piecing deva!  Having purchased each of these patterns at $5-7 apiece,  you can imagine how much time and money went into this joyful venture — all made more than worth it when I received a video of Mikey reading his book to me, and halfway through, getting the connection that the book and quilt were a pair.  It was really fun, and I highly recommend the investment for any granny who wants to leave a lasting impression of how much you care about those little darlings.

I’m now off to finish the “Christmas stretching” wall hangings I’m making for the other set of two grandkids….since I won’t them them done by Christmas, I’m prolonging the joy just another week or so.

I stitched a second ‘gypsy wagon’ to signify my four sons and their kids’ enjoyment of Roald Dahl’s “Danny Champion of the World”

Reed Christmas 2018

and a ‘catitudes’ trio (still in progress) for my only granddaughter (so far).

Lily Christmas 2018

Phew!  A good productive year!  WHAT will I do with myself now?

 

 

 

 

 

 

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and more…..

I guess they limit the length of blogs here, because half of what I shared got dropped from the last post, (or maybe I was offlline while adding?  who knows…anyway…..)

so….

I left off with my son, Joe,  and Erin getting married last weekend, and last year, in preparation, I made them a quilt.  I was determined to deliver it to them BEFORE the destination wedding so I could get the proper ooohh’s and aaahhhh’s due in person.  So I delivered it to them at our (now) annual mother’s day/birthday gathering in Oregon.

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I changed the corner and side panels three times from the kit, before I was happy with them. Learned a wonderful new technique for applique using a paintbrush with spray starch and an iron to form the applique pieces around paper…..oooh la laaaaa!  so much work!

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430ABF94-FAA0-1A0B-06B75F7F820AC5D1The star was actually the easy part.  This is a Ginny Beyer kit, although I drastically changed the design of the corner and side panels.   LOVE her color combos, although honestly, I had my doubts when the kids chose this one.  It comes in two other color ways that I would have preferred.  Her corner designs are probably more beautiful, but they were beyond my applique abilities.  I also made 4 beautiful ‘magic’ pillowcases to go with this quilt, which I wish I had photos of….

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THEN came Hannah’s quilt.  She LOVES wolves, so when I found this panel on Society 6 , I ordered it right away.   It was a little SPENDY, but then who cares when we’re pleasing our loved ones?  It was too big, so I cut it down to 36″ wide, and added my new passion, paper pieced stars in the colors that mirrored the light of the moon…

We were amazed to find gray flannel snowflakes and white on white snowflakes for the star backgrounds.

 

I learned a LOT about paper piecing in this project, and my favorite method turned out to be freezer paper piecing.  I highly recommend it and encourage you to explore YouTube for great instructions…

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8C374D84-2385-48F5-9C15-B33E3C8042BAIn quilting, Hannah (8) helped me quite a bit and we outlined each of the squares of the stars, as well as the wolf, and got creative about leaving whiskers in long white threads on his muzzle.  Hannah’s mom, understandably, doesn’t want her daughter’s cute little face on Facebook yet, so we got a photo in showing Hannah’s approval of the quilt with no face showing… Bruno likes it too!6C3593C1-568D-4B16-A7F5-FCDD303D7E54

 

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Catch UP -Happy Sharings

IMG_0531As I said, in spite of my grueling schedule of the last year, I have been very busy!  I don’t have a finished view of this quilt because I accidently reset my phone and lost a lot of photos, but this is a quilt I made for Noa for Christmas last year.  I wish I had the finished photo.  The border was almost the best part, and to tie it, I tied tiny buttons in each corner of the each of the largest squares on a black backing.  It is really beautiful.  I complemented the quilt with two magic pillow cases, which were also fun and beautiful.

This pattern is a stained glass pattern that you cut into various slanted cuts and rotate through.  Kind of a pain, and not one I would try again, but I was happy with this one.

Next, I made a wall hanging for my little brother (one year younger than me) who builds bird houses.  If you can see, these are done in trapunto, even the tiny eggs in the nests are puffy!  Oh so fun!cropped birds

After that, I did one for my granddaughter, in trapunto with BEADS and glitter of a collection of alphabetized fairies.  I gave it to my granddaughter, but her mom didn’t really like it, so after sitting in her closet for a few years, I’ve brought it home to enjoy myself.

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So that brought me to a new quilt for Reed, my little guy who reads like a third grader at 5!  Each important figure in this quilt was outlined, with double batting all round, to make it especially cozy and to make the figures fatter.

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IMG_0466To enhance his cuddling experience, I took photos of each of the squares and wrote alliterative nonsense in a 7″x7″ book entitled, “A Book for Reed to Read”, which included LOTS of really big words that I hope he still can’t quite read.  (He just turned 6).  I published the book on BLURB, and because the photos were not authorized, I am unable to show the book in public…but there are a few copies around….  I also duplicated the quilt and the book for another of my hanai grandsons, Reagan.

Reed frontis piece

Reed front page

Next up was Hannah’s quilt.  She LOVES wolves, so I made her a quilt with wolves and paper pieced (my new passion) stars…

Oh wait!  I almost forgot!  My youngest son got married, and they ordered up a quilt that caused me to up my game….

(continued next blog)

 

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Time Flies! And So Do I…

IMG_0107SO MUCH has happened since I last had a chance to write here.  By the fact that I’m writing again, you can surmise that I am no longer managing Hotel Honoka’a. The transition from there to here was one of such grace that I marvel still.

For the whole time I was there, in spite of the fact that it was hot and humid and hard, I loved it.  It was uncanny.  There was nothing to love.  Believe me.  But, as noted in my last post, I really did love it.

My friends were baffled, as was I, frankly, as to why the most capable and creative person I know (okay, mostly me, but who can choose among my precious array of friends) was happy to be a glorified motel maid with a tyranical employer.

Everytime I would begin to wonder, or chaffe under the tyrany, my little inner voice would say, “not yet, small bear, not yet.”  And I would shrug and carry on.

During my very long days (from 7 am to usually 9 pm) I continued to be creative in my office presence — I’ll show the fruits of my labors in a minute –.  When I wasn’t doing my long list of duties, I kept my fingers busy, with week-long spurts of heavy lifting in the creative department, filled with 3-week periods of small stuff in the slow times.  (My schedule was 21 days on, and 7 days off).

Then one day, nine months later, the day came when the tyrany was too much.  I very calmly said, “It’s obvious to me that nothing I can do will ever please you, and I think it’s time to call it quits.”  And she agreed.  That easy.  That was on a Wednesday.

There was never a moment of panic – even though I had burned all my bridges, and had no idea where I would go, or what I would do for a living, or how I would live according my 2012 Martin Luther King Day edict of not paying rent and not having a 9-5 job again.  (This job wasn’t 9-5 — it wasn’t a job.  It was indentured serviture!)

Anyway, I had my week off coming, and my two  weeks vacation, and two weeks of severance time.  I had five weeks to find a place and move.  Very gracious indeed of the hotel owner.

Every time a thought would come into my head, “I better apply for that job” or, “I need to fill out the application for senior housing” or whatever, the immediate response inside would be, “No need.  Just take your time off and relax.”  So I did.

Then on Monday, the following week, I felt inspired to check Craig’s List, (though several times before I had shrugged the thought off), and there, in the first paragraph was a just-placed ad for a large lovely room in exchange for help with getting kids to school.  I responded,, and within five minutes, the mom called me back, and the next day, I moved into the sweetest room with the sweetest family, and two half-grown children who need a grandma.  I still had four weeks to pack and move my stuff, and I’ve never looked back.  All within six days of quitting my other job.

NOW, I live with a family including the cutest 8-yr-old girl child who loves my company, and a 13-year-old young man (gone for the summer now) who puts up with me on the drive to school.  I’m free again to do whatever I need or want to do.  With all my needs provided.  It’s a miracle!  And so joyfully received.

I truly live in grace.  I am so grateful!

 

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Happy, Healing and a New Home in Honoka’a!

So very, very much has happened since I last wrote here.  Been so busy I haven’t had a chance to catch up…so here goes.

I now live in HONOKA’A, as the resident manager of the Hotel Honoka’a.  Change came swiftly and decidedly on June 7 when I first came to work.  Since then, I have gained more than TWENTY pounds of LIGHT.  I am no longer as sedentary, but rather walk up and down three flights of stairs, up and down long, long hallways, carrying laundry, hanging laundry, making beds, scrubbing showers, vacuuming with hard-to-push machines, and sweating profusely the whole time.

This summer has been a brutal one for heat, humidity and mosquitos.  What I don’t sweat, I lose to blood-sucking vampires.  I’m loving every minute of it.  Honestly.  At the end of a long, hard day, I feel so capable and successful.  I’m stronger than I’ve felt in many years, and even my angel wings are beginning to shrink as I push those vacuums, hang those sheets, and carry those laundry baskets up three flights of stairs.

I’m learning to enjoy sweating, picturing the pounds literally melting away.  As for mosquitos, I’m grateful they are not spiders, fleas, bedbugs, or worse — centipedes!  ANY of those bites would be worse and last longer than a few mozzies.  I’m sucking it up and wearing OFF!  because I vibrate at the speed of love, so poison can’t touch me, and if I die, I go to Heaven.  NO, we do not have bedbugs, fleas or even spiders to speak of here.  That’s why I’m so grateful.  Mozzies seem tame in comparison to the available wildlife on the island.

I have encountered several centipedes, but luckily, all within enough time to avoid or overcome them before they got me.  I tucked BOUNCE sheets into the crevices between my mattress and box springs, to assure that all varmints stay out of my bed.  They are lined from one end to the other of my bed.  They have nothing special to do with the hotel.  Centipedes are just a fact of life in Hawaii.  As are a few other choice specimens that go along with a tropical environment.  Tropical rain forest this summer.

Of course, I love meeting, greeting, and serving our guests.  Today we had a couple from Israel.  So many interesting folks come through, and for the most part, they love staying at our hotel, though it does not meet the standards of beach-front resort property.  It’s more old Hawaiian, with an emphasis on old, and clean — very, very clean.

I’m proud to say we hang our sheets to air dry, and I can’t explain the satisfaction I get from matching old, old, soft, soft sheets and towels to spruce up a room.  I have 31 beds in 20 rooms to keep fresh and sharp. I’m looking forward to replacing a few bed pillow covers with bright fabrics to spruce things up a bit, and maybe covering a lampshade here or there.

51pq2aKO1JL._SX329_BO1,204,203,200_The best news of all is that I am going through a period of deep, deep healing.  I found a book through my women’s book circle entitled “The Healing Code” by Alex Loyd.  It is phenomenal, and I have never felt so much hope and joy as I do with this process.  I’ve been practicing the Codes faithfully two or three times/day since around the end of August.

It was about that time I noticed that some of my deepest wounds are being prodded with sharp sticks.  My new boss has very sharp sticks, and she is one of the best instigators of my healing process.  Immediately came up my huge “fear of commitment” right after I had burned some pretty big bridges to commit to this new position.  Having waited  for over a year, my slot in Senior Housing came up, and I passed it up to move here.  I also got booted from my last house management job, which I had hoped to finess to keep in my back pocket.  Both were gone, and I had just moved my last load of household goods into my cute little apartment, when she hit me with “you’ve got one month to prove you can do better, or you’re out of here!”  OMYGOD….I felt like my guts were yanked to the floor, and I lost all heart for unpacking boxes.  Still haven’t unpacked another item.

I don’t know if she will really kick me to the curb, and it doesn’t really matter, because I do have a deep, abiding faith that all is in divine right timing, and perfect synchronicity, and if my and her best and highest good is met by my being here, I will be.  If not, it will be met in another way.  That really does feel good, because I truly feel that on a bone-deep level.

What IS joyful is to watch that and the several other ways that I have been given evidence of my healing of deep, forgotten memories.

Since I got that scary edict, I have found myself feeling like I’m “skating on thin ice”… though I know in my heart of hearts that I do a fantastic job here, and I have nothing to worry about in that regard.  That awareness though, brought to memory my often-recurring dream as a first grade child, of every step I took, falling deeply into the earth, up to my knees.  Each step was labored.  I think perhaps you could say, I didn’t feel much support in my earthly sojourn.  Makes me smile to re-cognize that dream, and know that this situation was custom-designed for my (c)learning of that.

Another thing I’ve noticed was that I have bonked my head, really hard, on several metal fire extinguisher boxes, or counter tops, or sink edges, or whatever…and remember the many traumas to my head that my dad gave me with head butts and various other weapons he often wielded against us.  Once he grabbed me up by my long, long hair and shaved me bald!  Getting hit in the head is a huge trigger for me.

Not to mention, I found myself exhausted and frustrated with a friend for whom I was working on her website late one evening, and in rage, I slammed shut my computer and beat myself over the head with my fists.  Talk about embarassing!  But then I remembered that 50 years ago, as a teenager, and even a small child, I used to beat myself up regularly; I’d pound myself with hair brushes over the head, hangers on my thighs, pull out hunks of hair — all in an attempt to contain the rage so it wouldn’t hurt anyone else.  And now it’s surfacing for clearing!  JOYFUL news….

The premise of The Healing Codes is simple.  ALL illness and dis(ease) is cured (or not) by the immune system.  The thing that stops the immune system from doing its miraculous work is stress.  The thing that causes stress is cellular memories, unhealthy thought patterns and beliefs, and forgotten memories that create stress and friction in the healing process, and disallow optimum health.

By prayer, asking God to find and heal those memories, releasing them from the cells, and using a simple technique of directed energy (through the fingertips) coupled with positive feeling energy on specific body parts connected to the master glands found near the third eye, adams’s apple, lower jaw and temples, burns off the ‘tar and feathers’ that cover our divine light, and allow that light to shine again as it is meant to shine — brightly!

The book recommends a period of six minutes, three times a day.  I have found myself enjoying the process so much that i spend 30 or 40 minutes in the early morning,  a few minutes mid-day if possible, and another abbreviated session at night.  I’m usually too sleepy to do much at night, so I asked my divine healing team of guides and guardians (my MAP team) to accompany me in the evening healing, and stay with me throughout the night.  In the morning, I was given this picture of them having spent the night gathering ‘dead wood’ and building me a bonfire.  Together, in my blissful session of the early morning, we burn the fire and return the forgotten memories to the light.  I’ve noticed that I dream quite actively during the night, and awaken to the session with real joy.

The book recommends that you beam positive feeling and good memories at the  spots for that period, but I don’t have that many stored up that I feel comfortable to call upon.  So many of my memories are gunked up with what was going on around them.  SO, I’ve been using my AlphaMations, and having new words added daily.  When I created the Alphamations years ago, it was to rescue myself from the runaway train of thoughts that I didn’t want to be thinking.  It was the turning point in my life, and they literally brought me to where I am today.

Knowing as I do that you cannot access a word in your vocabulary that you don’t have access to in your Being, I find great, great joy in BEING Julia Fair child of God, filled with appreciation, awareness, awe, abundance, bravery, beauty, bliss (new word lately) balance, benevolence, clarity, calm, compassion, cool & collected, courage, creativity, charm, charisma, contentment, capability, commitment, confidence, desire, destiny, duty, determination, dedication, dependability, divinity, energy, efficiency, effectiveness, effulgence, effervescence, experience, expertise, faith, fun, family, friends, fortune, future, freedom, grace, graciousness, gratitude, gentleness, generosity, giving (and receiving) in balance, guidance, grit, gumption, guts and glory, happiness, health, healing, hope, home, humility, honor, honesty, intuition, inspiration, integrity, integration, intelligence, indispensability, individuality, independence, joy, jubilation, juxtaposition, kindness, knowing, light, laughter, love, longing, learning, liberty, luminescence, mothering (myself), mentoring (giving and receiving) magnanimosity, maturity, mastery, money, money, money, money, (shows up nearly every day) nurturing, nutrition, nobility, options, opportunity, optimism, peace, praise, prayer, passion, purpose, possibilities, presence, perfection, quick study, quiet resolve, questing spirit, response-ability, rejuvenation, re-creation, reciprocity, regeneration, real-eyes-ation, relaxation, self love, self control, self motivation, self confidence, self actualization, self care, self-centered-ness, sensitivity, serenity, serendipity, sweetness, saavy, trust, truth, tenacity, tenderness, touch, total commitment, total faith, understanding, vision, valor, vim, vigor, vitality, vibrance, wit, wisdom, worth, wonder, and wholeness…

By the time I’ve beamed that at each of my four points of healing, I am blissed out.  I just lay there loving myself while I pray-dream for a while.  And still I’m up by 6…what a way to start the day.

I’ve been assured (by my new form of muscle testing) that I am in the process of erasing memories connected to stiff painful joints (walking in pain) arthritis stiffness in my left ring finger (nearly gone now) healing of my neck, numbness in my big toe, and associated injuries from my herniated disk (which came soon after I began here, but is now hardly noticeable) and my inability to see clearly (cataracts!).  Not to mention dropping pounds of excess baggage daily.

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Self Respect is…..

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SPIRIT
Enlivened
Lovingly
Fearlessly
Remembering
Eternal
Sacred
Purpose
Essential to
Claiming your
True Divinity
Not sure exactly, in tangibility, what that means, but I have been faced lately with some pretty good examples of what it looks like to NOT have respect for self, or others, and I don’t like what that looks like. Obviously I have seen myself in a mirror, and I’m grateful for the glimpse, and I want to make a difference in how I show up.
I can see perhaps that if one doesn’t have respect for one’s self, it’s hard to feel respect for another.  I have long thought that I had more respect for others than I have for myself, but I’m wondering if that is not possible…unless it is.  I can’t tell yet.
I’m again wrestling with this and as usual, thinking out loud with a few of my beloveds.
In thinking about that, I notice that it IS easier for me to respect others than it is for me to respect myself.  I can put myself more easily in anothers’ shoes, have more compassion for others, show up for others, be to others what they sometimes can’t be for themselves.
I can clean your house much more willingly and easily than I can clean my own.  What IS that?  I don’t think it’s unique to me.
I’ve always believed that we were there as mirrors for one another.  That when I can’t believe in myself, I can believe in YOU….and maybe counting on that being true in reverse.
When I REALLY look into my own eyes, looking in a mirror, I am always brought to tears by the love and goodness that I see there — by the desire to be good — by the truth of my generosity and depth of commitment to being a force for good in the world — by my commitment to and love for not only my family — though that is deep and abiding — but also to anyone whose life I encounter with any depth of connection.
In our MATERIAL world, I have been accused of being generous to a fault, of being co-dependent, wanting more for others than they want for themselves, of giving myself away to the detriment of myself — of wanting to be loved so much that I do just that — of trying to prove my worth by giving myself away, thereby not having self respect…
turning my desire to give and be good into something not good.
In the MATERIAL world, where fear reigns that there’s only so much to go around, that one must preserve one’s own strength, take care of one’s own need, that self is more important than Self, that may be true.  In the MATERIAL world, these things matter.
I remember reading, several decades ago, the story by Chaim Potok, The Chosen.  I will never forget the description there of a man who worked himself “gray with fatigue” as described by his concerned son, and who replied to his son’s concern something like, “My entire lifespan is merely a blink of God’s eye.  I am happy to wear myself out for this worthy cause that I so believe in.”
He took no fear for his own well-being, but worked furiously for what he believed in.  I believe in loving people.  I believe in sharing all I have to make a difference, no matter how small — and in so doing, I often lose sight of my own laundry stacking high, or stacks of paperwork vying for my attention.  My eyes literally glaze over when I have to face those things.  It is here that I notice that I don’t have enough self-respect to pick up after myself, or tackle the papers taunting me from my piling systems.  That’s where the matter meets the grist…
Things that do not MATTER in a spiritual realm simply do matter in this MATERIAL world, and I have a hard time plugging in to that.  It seems that I hang out in spiritual reality, and can’t often bring myself to give a rip about what should matter to me.
I am reminded of descriptions of the authors of The Power of Now and Power vs Force — of what it’s like to be “enlightened” — of how difficult it is for them to care about daily things.  That they would be content to sit drooling on a park bench in a diaper…not able to attach importance to earthly things.  I thought then that I didn’t want to be enlightened, it if meant being so helpless in the material world — and yet, that’s how it seems here to me now.
I have a hard time caring at all what I eat – or if I eat – until my hunger kicks in and makes me find the first thing available.  Now, if there’s someone else to cook for, I’m all over it.
I could care less what I wear; it’s a DRAG to have to figure it out everyday
Taking supplements or meds, or drinking water (or whether or not it’s pure enough) is hard for me to remember or care about
Brushing my teeth is hard for me to do – not automatic like it seems to be for others
Exercising is not an option in this state of mind
Fun?  what’s that?  I know I love it once I’m there, but getting to the ocean, or playing my ukulele or painting or writing new books just seems too hard to get to.
Sounds like depression, doesn’t it?  But it doesn’t feel that way.  Those things just don’t feel important to me.
What I’m thinking, after reading this, is the divine dichotome – While what’s true in SPIRIT is always true,   if one chooses to play in MATTER, one needs to choose IN.
THAT is the crux, isn’t it?
I am beginning to see why it’s important to have beliefs.  If you don’t believe in anything, you don’t care.  That is, I don’t believe in  any religious dogma.  I only believe in good.  I believe it’s ALL good, nobody dies, and there’s nothing to fear.
So I’m not afraid of Monsanto
I’m not afraid of poisonous water
I’m not afraid of McDonald’s
I’m not afraid of dying and going to hell
I’m MORE afraid of hanging out here longer than I have to
Because I can’t wait to get to heaven
AND I’m noticing that by WAITING, by not taking time to play
I’m putting off heaven….
I live in Paradise, for God’s Sake!
I am surrounded by love.  I love people and they love me.  They don’t care what I’m wearing,
I am busy.  I do spend my time playing in things that do matter to me.  I love what I do on a daily basis.
So what else is there?
It’s true that when I suck it up and pick it up, I do feel better in my space.  I ENJOY order and beauty.  So eventually, I pick it all up and put it all away.
I do keep my ukulele near my computer so when I get bored here, I can click onto YouTube and strum a few chords to some funky old tune.  I do enjoy that.
I stay young by hanging out with a select number of little ones.  Children who keep me humble and honest.  Children who remind me to respond, not react.  Children who snuggle in under my wings and love being with me, because I love being with them.  Whether those are angel wings or wings of a dumb cluck doesn’t seem to make much difference to them. And they should know.
finished butterfly2
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It’s ALL Good, Nobody Dies, and if You Die, You Go to Heaven!

Visiting children 2014 007I returned from my first voyage to visit as many of my children as would have me. Three our of four isn’t bad, although factoring in spouses, I might have lost one.

I learned SO MUCH on this trip, and more, since.
 
In raising my children, I often pointed out to them that “I have my own life to live” when their activities coincided with my own.  Sometimes, they had to find their own rides, etc.
 
One of the boys once wrote an essay about that; I still have it, I think.  In it, he said that while he hated to hear me say that, he liked it too, because it gave him permission and response-ability to live HIS own life as well.
 
I visited my children this time without an invitation.    I simply decided to go, and asked them when would be convenient.  I won’t do that again.  Next time, I’ll wait for an invitation.  I say that because I realize that while they may have been my children, they are adults now.  I am only a doorway through which they came into this this form of existence, and they have gone through. Now, we each have to knock to go through that doorway again into one anothers’ lives.
 
Of course, as GRAND children come into the picture, I hope and pray that they will choose to visit me, and that I can have a chance to share all that I have learned since I was a parent.  I would really hope that continues.  It feels good to know a few things now that I didn’t know then, and have a chance to do it differently this time.
 
I hope all, children and grands alike, know, and I’ll tell them, that my door is always open to them, but I’ll have to clear a path for when they come.  I cannot assume they have time, desire, energy, whatever, to welcome me anytime I feel like going.
 
Which actually, is fine with me, because I really don’t like traveling.  Eight airplanes and two long bus rides, while joyfully uneventful, wasn’t my favorite part.
As much as I love my sons and their children, which I really, really do, I cannot be sure that if we were not family, we would choose each other as friends. Maybe, but likely not.
 
One of the biggest things I am obviously still learning, is that my ability to respond to help my grown children make any life choices is limited to when they ask.  You would think that would be obvious, wouldn’t you?  I guess it “should” be, but I’m not about “shoulding on myself” here. I’m just remembering, again, something I thought I already knew.
 
Since returning, having gotten very attached to my Kindle Fire, and unlimited reading, I have been reading book after book about the afterlife, and people seeking out advice from their loved ones on the other side.
 
My friends will roll their eyes.  I put such stock in what I read, and I’ll freely admit that my whole life, I have felt that Spirit has guided me through leading me to books that have messages in them that I need to learn.  It’s my library card to the greater wisdom than I have between my own ears, or at least that I can access readily.
 
In these stories, one after the other, my belief that “it’s all good” is reinforced over and over.  The bottom line is, it’s all learning, it’s all good, and nobody dies.  AND, the last judgment will be when the last damn fool judges himself or any another.
 
So as my sons choose wives, and as they together choose whatever they choose, it’s fully and completely their right, privilege, response-ability, whatever, to live their lives in their own way, time, and outcome.
 
Which somewhat inconveniently frees me to live my own life, and stop worrying about them.  Now I have to unpack my bags (way too long overdue) and renew my driver’s license (ordering ridiculous amounts of proof that I am me) and find new tires for my car, and get to the ocean, and dance my hula, and learn my chants, and write my books, and paint my pictures, and water my plants and clean my room, and read my books, and work on my quilts, and teach at Sew Fun, and do my web design work, and write in my journal,  and live a joyous life with people who love me and choose me now.  I was overjoyed to find, upon my return, that I was sorely missed, and there are lots and lots of folks who do.  
One last note is that as I traveled from home to home, from New York to Texas to Arizona, I was gratified to find all the quilts I’ve made over the years for my boys, gracing their homes, and being used and loved every day.  It inspired me to keep quilting, and keep sharing the unique form of love that only embraces, never assumes, and can only be welcomed.  Here’s a picture or two of my latest creation for Reed.  He really liked it, but truth is, he liked the little rolling suitcase better!  It’s all good!
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Visiting children 2014 087
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