The ides of March already and I’m still here. I just published a blog that I found hiding (for good reason it seems) in my draft folder. I’m not surprised that I didn’t have the courage to really publish it when I wrote it. I mean, GAWD, when you read it, you’ll know what I mean.
Anyway, I have SO MUCH to tell, I don’t even know where to start. The biggest thing, I think, is the very recent scientific discovery that had me bursting into tears when I heard it on my Audible version of BRIGHT LINE EATING by Susan Peirce Thompson. Remember that ‘concrete wall’ I’ve often described against allowing me to make the changes, move my body, whatever, to become anything but, well, . . fat!?
It turns out, there is a scientific reason why my very being has seemed to be dead set against my moving or doing anything other than grazing all day, every day, unconsciously, and still battling insatiable hunger! It makes my cry even now. This writing may well be a jumble of all my feelings and awarenesses and a very significant recurring dream which FINALLY makes its meaning known.
Okay, first, the dream: On February 9 this year (2020), I woke from a dream of trying to get to a Life Skills class I was supposed to be teaching, an hour and a half away. The problem was, I was an hour late before I left. So I’m driving the huge old Dodge van in which I spent the day detailing while I labored with the son on whose birthday I had the dream. Got that? Okay, so I’m driving the van from the back seat! (a recurring theme in my dreams) The seats are all tall captain’s chairs, and I can’t reach the go-step, the steering wheel, or the brakes, so I’m PEDALING the damn van down the highway. Not fast enough to be in any lane, I’m pedaling down the center divider, which is a tall berm, with slippery slopes on either side. I can only get one leg to work, so I’m pedaling a cavernous van, from the back seat, with one leg. I woke up with a sore leg, probably from sleeping on my hip.
I had no idea what the dream really meant, even when I heard Susan Peirce Thompson explain that the mechanism (hormone) which blocks people from MOVING, causes them INSATIABLE HUNGER, and makes them believe they are starving to death, thus won’t allow them to move or stop eating, is blocked not only at the hypothalamus, but also at the BRAINSTEM! What that means is, that no matter how hard you try, you will not overcome these unconscious beliefs any more successfully than you can stop your heart beating, your lungs breathing, or your eyes blinking by thinking about it, wanting it, or trying again and again, as long as your brain is wired in this manner. (I only recognized the meaning of the dream later when I read it again in my journal. Thank god for journals!)
What hijacks the brain in this manner? — the (ought-to-be-il)legal substances known as sugar and flour! She goes on to explain that if you sit in a field of coca leaves, and chew as many as you like, you may get a small buzz, but you will not become addicted to cocaine. If you sit in a poppy field and chew the flowers or seeds or whatever, you may not pass a drug test, but you will not become addicted. However, when these plants are REFINED and reduced to the white or brown powder that is cocaine or heroin, and ingested into the body, by whatever means, most (not all) people will become addicted.
Her belief is that the same holds true for sugar cane, or beets, or corn, or wheat, or any other plant that is turned into a fine white powder and ingested into the body. Some people are more susceptible to addiction than others, but the fact that more than two-thirds of American adults are overweight or obese, suggests that we are all on a slippery slope.
Another set of facts which rocked my world, because WHO KNEW? (We all do!) is that 99% of people who attempt to lose weight fail to ever reach their goal weight, no matter how many times they try. AND, of those who do succeed — that ‘other’ 1% — ten percent of them keep it off for any length of time without regaining their original weight and more!
I cited that fact to my skinny mini yogini friend, and she flat out refused to believe it. Who can blame her? She’s never been in my shoes. She would swim in them. AND, you can bet that that number is closely guarded by diet and exercise business entities because they depend on those numbers, and on recidivism, to fuel their coffers. They have for years and years.
While the hard facts and numbers are still in the gathering phase, one number that is scientifically concrete is that those who adhere to the Bright Lines are able to lighten up and sustain the lightness 55 times more effectively than the national number. While the national number sets a very low bar, this is huge! I can do this! For the first time in my life, I have real hope.
Much of that hope, besides finally learning some hard scientific information that I was lacking, comes from my inner work, my journaling, and from my Guides and Guardians. I have tried for so long, so many times, and been thwarted, that I had begun to give up. Many obese people do. It is so damaging to the self to fail so miserably so many times. Believe me, I know.
In the past year or so, my Runes and other writings, and divine guidance have promised me that I could do this. One recent Rune promised that it would be this year, encouraging me to plant the seeds and let them grow, and not uproot them till they were able to sprout. I had just begun to stop asking, stop writing because seeing no progress, I thought maybe they too, were blowing smoke. Then a few things happened in a row:
- I had the above-described dream, though I had no idea at the time…
- I was led to the book, Atomic Habits, by James Clear. WOW!!!
- I was led to the book, Bright Line Eating. . . by Susan Peirce Thompson
- With more hope now, I pulled another Rune — and it was X – Gebo, Partnership, A Gift, and in part, it read: Drawing this Rune is an indication that Partnership, in some form, is at hand (talking about a mortal partnership, which. . .meh . . ) and then it said: . . .There is another realm of Partnership that we are being called to consider. For the path of Partnership can lead you to the realization of a still greater union — union with the Higher Self, union with the Divine. The ultimate gift of this Rune is the realization of the divine in all beings. God always enters into equal partnerships. Gebo, the Rune of Partnership, has no reverse. It signifies the gift of freedom from which flow all other gifts.
SO! Here we are. I’m on Day 2 of Bright Line Eating protocol. The bright lines are simple:
- No sugar
- No flour
- Measure all your food to fit the guidelines
- Eat three meals a day, with not one BLT (bite, lick, or taste) between meals.
I had originally planned to begin this coming Tuesday, on my first-born granddaughter’s 10th birthday. I took two weeks to gather my ducks, shop, plan, purchase a scale, purchase the suggested journals, etc. In the meantime, I did eliminate sugar from my coffee, which I thought would be my biggest challenge. It wasn’t a big deal at all!? Wow. I also allowed myself to eat whatever and whenever I chose and was fascinated to see how many times I grazed in a day … which challenged my belief that it couldn’t be food that kept me fat, because I hardly ever eat a meal. Turns out, I only ate one meal a day – from sunrise to sundown.
I also tanked up on the many, many videos and information bytes that Susan shares, and I met a new friend (who introduced me to BLE) who promises to be ‘my person.’ I’m choosing not to join the $29 dollar 14-Day Challenge or the $500 Boot Camp programs until I try this on my ‘own’, though I truly believe I am never alone.
First of all, I am grateful to be a 5 on the susceptibility scale, so my slopes are not as slippery as someone who is a 10 on that scale (easily found and taken online). AND, I have those options in my back pocket as a failsafe, if I can’t do it alone. Yesterday was my first day, and I can’t even describe how easy, how delicious, how joyful it was to have the plan to follow, and I didn’t even have any cravings or desire to eat in between. It was truly amazing. I think my brain may have already begun the healing process because while I made little attempt to remove flour, I did pretty much eliminate sugar in these last two preparatory weeks. I figured once it was out of my coffee, I was home free.
Another reason I don’t want to join the gang is that I don’t want my phone blowing up with messages of support from social media. I’m definitely an introvert, and I’m way too busy to deal with that stuff. Susan (the author) happens to be not only a 10, but also an extrovert, so she loves all that, and it’s her business, so she teaches clean, bright lines. I have no trouble with the bright lines, so far, so I’m not going to join anything yet.
One thing I must say, regarding Susan Peirce Thompson, is that she often brings me to tears with her vulnerability, her sincerity, her passion, and all that she has given to make this difference in the world. She gave up tenure as a Professor of Psychology to run the Bright Line Eating phenomenon and her life pretty much centers on helping others to find their way out of HELL, and I am so grateful to her. It’s not about the money to her, and I absolutely believe that. It’s not about the money to me, either, as I have spent way more on so much that never gave me hope like this does. This is about me finding my way Home, in a right-sized body, and finally, finally, finally being able to drop the self-loathing, not only about my size and shape but also about my inability to do anything about it. God Bless Susan Peirce Thompson!